I wrote this post in December 29th. Little did I know we’d be in labour the next evening. But for anyone else out there’s that’s been overdue – I feel your fustraction, stress and desire for baby!
I seem to do a lot of sighing this week. Being overdue is so much more frustrating and anxious than I thought it would be. Every day feels like a chore. Every bedtime is another day gone without an arrival. We find ourselves staying up until midnight not wanting to see another day without our baby end. We hoped she might come on my birthday, on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day and now at some point during Betwixmas, but still nothing yet.
I’m annoyed. With the very word “overdue”. According to whom? It just adds stress and pressure where it isn’t needed
I’m impatient. To count ten tiny fingers and toes. To sniff your head and that beautiful new baby smell. To finally get to meet you and see you face after all these months of waiting. To hold you in my arms and feel that unconditional surge of love. To do nothing except stare at your face.
I’m anxious. The induction word is looming. It’s frightening. I don’t want to be induced. Every fibre of my being screams against it. My body was made to do this, should be able to do this right? I want to do this. We start theorising, Maybe our dates were wrong? Maybe she’s not ready yet. Lots of maybes. Lots of looming unknowns.
I’m frustrated. For myself. For Mike. For Holly. For our families. Who all want to meet you just as much as we do. With every well meaning text or message, I’m more and more frustrated you’re not here. It’s the well meaning woman in the village who declares while chuckling, ‘you’re still pregnant?!’ Or the enquires about induction dates and guesses she now won’t be here until next year.
I’m trapped. My own beautiful pregnant body won’t let me hike, run or swim and do all of the things that I love. Every activity is exhausting and then I’m exhausted by the exhaustion of it all!
But – I’m grateful. Grateful for the constant reassurance and support of Mike. Who probably feels all of this and more. With an extra ounce of helplessness thrown in. He tells me I’m doing a fantastic job, that he’s proud of me – all the things you need to hear.
I know how lucky we are to have had such a straightforward pregnancy and that on a few days, or less than a week, everything will change and she will arrive. All of this will be a hazy memory of a frustrating, anxious and impatient few weeks.
But for now, being overdue is tough. To anyone else that has been there. I salute you!